* By Jonnie Baker 6 December 2013 Anticipation is obviously reaching fever pitch over the unspeakably complicated group-stage draw for the 2014 Fifa World Cup (TM), which hasn’t been obsessing too many people at all. Certainly not to the extent that anyone would come up with a draw simulator, like the one linked here, […]

* By Jonnie Baker 28 November 2013 Andre Villas-Boas is fighting to keep his job. I know this is the case because everyone says so. It’s everywhere you look, and, according to the DM, failed Roma manager Luis Enrique is already in the box seat to replace him. And replace him Tottenham surely must. After last season’s […]

By Jonnie Baker 13 September 2013 On a good day, I reckon I could probably manage nearly 20 keepie-uppies – which is four times the number Gareth Bale managed when presented to the salivating hordes at the Bernabeu. I am, therefore, worth some £344 million on the open market. You may start the bidding at […]

By Jonnie Baker 2 July 2010 So here we are, World Cup quarters, no England. Another stirring display of formation ineptitude from the Three Lions and a nation wonders how so few can owe so much, to so many. But the time for recriminations was on Sunday night when I muttered vile abuse to a German innocently driving through […]

By Jonnie Baker 22 June 2010 I do try to keep my rambling nonsense fairly light, a froth of nothing to waste your time with before forgetting it completely in favour of the price of plums or why that lightbulb tastes like caramac. But Hell’s teeth – did you see that barrel of arse on […]

By Jonnie Baker 18 June 2010 In a little over a month I shall reach the impressive age of 35. A fine age for any thrusting young buck to attain, I’m sure you’ll agree. Let’s face it, were we to be enjoying this World Cup in the early 19th Century, I’d most likely have been […]

By Jonnie Baker 10 June 2010 So then, where were we? The World Cup is where we were, second only to Christmas in the things I look forward to with an almost preternatural enthusiasm. And following my laser-like forecasting of the race for fourth I am prepared, in my position as a football expert, to […]

By Jonnie Baker 14 April 2010 Once the storm of burning rage following Tottenham’s magnificent bottling of another FA Cup semi-final had eventually subsided, it was widely agreed that the events of Sunday were very ‘Spursey’. Very much in the mould of Tottenham Hotspur Football Club. Flog through the earlier rounds, treat a lower league […]

By Jonnie Baker 27 March 2010 The ‘race for fourth’, care of Sky, is hotting up and no mistake. Obviously I should declare an interest at this stage: if Tottenham don’t finish somewhere between third and fifth I will more than likely explode in a sticky mess of frustrated bile and cold, cold hatred for […]

By Jonnie Baker 19 January 2010 The English Premier League, or EPL as people who must immediately be smothered are prone to call it, is the best league in the world. We know this because a man said it the other day and we must trust the men from football or all about us shall […]